While football players spent last Sunday running around a rectangle, I, like millions of Floridians, spent the majority of the day huddled in a corner, knees to my chest, head in my hands, fearing the wrath of a hurricane.
Once I emerged from my anxiety-induced psychosis sometime early Monday morning, I tried to catch up on all things NFL. As I scanned the Week 1 box scores, I started shaking.
Brian Hoyer. Josh McCown. Tom Savage. Scott Tolzien. Mike Glennon.
What the hell happened over the weekend? Where did all of the starting quarterbacks go? Did they see the Hurricane Irma reports and out of an abundance of caution evacuate the country?
Glennon was actually the best of the group. And by “best” I mean that he was typical Mike Glennon. Not good. Not bad. Just Glennon. In his Bears debut, the former Buccaneers backup completed 26 of 40 passes for 213 yards, one touchdown and an 86.8 rating in a 23-17 loss to the Falcons.
Look at that stat line. Do you feel anything? Of course you don’t. Among the things less bland than Glennon: a bag of rice, a Honda Civic, a U2 album, a box of paper clips.
Let’s face it: When the 2013 third-round pick returns to Tampa this Sunday, there isn’t going to be a whole lot of intrigue. It’ll feel like watching Mrs. Doubtfire on TBS for the 23rd time. At first, you’ll think that Chicago’s quarterback looks a lot like someone you used to know. And then it’ll hit you: It’s Glennon, just in a different outfit.
Dink. Dunk. Repeat.
In the opener, the Bears didn’t seem particularly interested in throwing. In the first three quarters, Glennon threw 13 passes and handed off 19 times. In the…
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